Watching someone you love fall victim to the grips of addiction is heartbreaking, and scary, and most will feel helpless. There is no doubt that addiction is becoming more and more common. For me, ever since I began sharing my struggle with addiction and my journey to recovery, more and more people have been coming to me for help. These are often people I had no idea were struggling or ever thought to have a problem.
In the same conversation of those who are struggling and wanting help, there are as many people reaching out to help a loved one. Addiction is scary; it's scary for the addict and it's scary for the family and friends. For so long addiction was kept in the shadows. As addicts we didn’t want to seem weak or admit we were “that person” and the families didn’t want to believe it was happening to their families.
Here's the sobering truth (pun intended), on average 1 out of every 2 people know someone who struggles with substance use disorder. That's a lot! The moral of the story is that you are not alone, that's important because for so long we thought we were the only ones and because of that we hid.
So now that it's out there that you are not alone, hopefully, that will break one barrier or fear and we can tackle the big one. How do we talk to someone about their addiction?
Let's dig into some key steps, advice from the perspective of a recovering alcoholic, and professional help that is available.
Before we jump in and make any accusations or make a mountain out of a molehill. Let's take a look at what are some signs that someone may have a problem.
Changed Personality
Noticing increased use of a substance or major change in use
Difficulty Managing Basic Parts of Life
This is a tough conversation that will be filled with fear, emotion, and vulnerability. Plan your words thoughtfully before starting the conversation. Here are some key points to consider before you sit down and talk.
Do some research
Be intentional with time and place
Bring Vulnerability
Listen
Don't put them in a box
It’s their timeline
Bring grace, compassion, and understanding. These things can be tough for a family member as they have often been seriously hurt by this disease, that is why it is so important to be in a good place before the conversation. It is important to know that you do not have to accept the things they have done but to remember that you are speaking to the disease and it is powerful.
They likely won't react well, and that is okay. The most important thing is you start the process and you put something in their head. Most addicts know they need help, but they often don’t seek it because of shame, guilt, and fear. For me, I knew I was an alcoholic long before I admitted it or before anyone else even knew. Admitting I had a problem made it true, made me an alcoholic and I ran from that for a long time.
Help them remember the good things in their lives. Remind them of their hobbies, goals, dreams, and accomplishments. In our addiction we live in a fog, blinding us of what is good and only allowing us to be blinded by shame.
This is a complicated disease. Today I get to share my insight on why I was the way I was but it is something that someone who doesn’t struggle with addiction will understand. Maintain your boundaries but continue to love and support them as long as they are moving toward sobriety.
Sometimes, a structured, planned conversation with the support of a professional is necessary.
An intervention is a carefully organized conversation. This often and in my opinion should always happen with the help of a professional. This is where loved ones express their concern and present a plan for treatment.
Participants share how the addiction has impacted them and ask the person to accept help, immediately.
A licensed interventionist can guide the process, help manage emotions, and increase the chance of success.
People who are close, trusted, and committed to the person’s well-being. It is important to know that anyone with unresolved conflict may not be ideal to have present. This conversation is naturally going to come with intense emotional, unresolved conflict may get in the way of a healthy conversation.
How Do You Find a Treatment Program to Offer at the Intervention?
Do the research ahead of time, the interventionist will help with this also. Interventionists often have a list of resources or you can go to StepOneRecovery.org. It is important to have a program lined up that meets their needs. That may be a residential treatment center, an outpatient program, or medically assisted treatment.
Stay unified, avoid blame, and keep your message simple: “We love you, and we want to help.”
It’s heartbreaking but not the end. Continue to offer love and support. Sometimes seeds planted during an intervention take time to grow. For me, the first conversations did not cause me to take action but they did get me thinking. They helped me to realize that I wasn’t able to hide my problem any longer, my family and friends knew, and they were there to support me through this journey.
Talking to someone you love about their addiction and your concerns about it can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to have all the answers. You may not know exactly what to say but with the help of an interventionist and guidance from a professional, you can be sure you are thoughtful. Finding a way to connect with the individual and share your love and concern in the same conversation can be very powerful. Just know that talking to them is only the first step and it may not be the only conversation. These conversations can plant seeds and be the beginning of a very important, life-changing, and life-saving journey. Ultimately the individual who is struggling has to take the first step and walk this journey but with your love, support, and healthy boundaries, make the journey more attainable.
