My journey to recovery started with a massive fear of rejection and feelings of not being good enough. My parents divorced at an early age and it fortified a negative narrative I did not know how to manage until my 30's. I also experienced significant loss and grief without being taught how to deal with it in a healthy way without substances. As a post 9.11.11 veteran, I explored some of the most evil places in the world and was trained to hunt humans. That forced me to learn how to compartmentalize and avoid problems at the highest levels with no plan to readdress the trauma that came with it.

My father passed away in July of 2015 after his body succumbed to the affects of alcoholism at just 59. While talking with my sister about how she would explain his death to her children I had an out of body experience where I saw her asking the same question about me. I cannot say I had intentions with a solid plan to take my life, but I was welcoming death to escape emotional pain that I was too scared to communicate. Finally, I picked up the phone instead of another drink to ask for help.

Using the words scared, sad, and depressed with regard to my feelings. That evolved into the realization I am even more scared to use God in the same sentence with self. I also found resistance and difficulty learning new/better coping skills after believing in the power of altering my mind with a substance. It made me incredibly resistant to do any real work on myself.

Landmark personal development seminars and the coaches involved had the most impact on my recovery. They helped me disassociate the story of what happened to me from what is so. I leaned in during a hard season in life and found some people who helped me gain access to the how and why we process information. It was life-changing to say the least.

One significant challenge was believing that once I experienced enough sobriety I felt i was "recovered". Truthfully, it led me directly to my identity and my emotional vulnerabilities. One more noteworthy challenge was my naivety and disbelief that changing so many things about myself that some of the closest things to me needed to change too. For example, my relationship with my significant other and my mother. I believed any change to those relationships were a downgrade, but I eventually realized the benefit.

Staying in the conversation of my recovery with meetings like 12-step meetings. Creating a community with likeminded individuals personally and professionally. Focusing on 3 distinct pillars of life; mind, body, and spirit.

I must keep myself and my sobriety at the top of my priority list. I must also understand what I am not changing, I am choosing. I need to be responsible for any dysfunction in my life regardless of how much it may hurt my feelings. Lastly, I must intentionally seek opinions and perspectives from people who do not look, think, and act like me to truly diversify my perspective.

Life today is about maintaining balance among mind, body, and spirit with an open mind to do the work for whatever shows up. I seek constructive feedback to be the best version of myself so I can be of service to others and help unlock their maximum potential.

I strive to help others discover their purpose to and focus on being bound by choice versus necessity. Preserving and protecting choice in any matter significantly transforms the world we all live in.